Listen to the experience; not the words
To be understood and understand others is realising that, when people speak their own truth they are using their own language. Which might be alien to you, even though they are using familiar words. So, in order to really hear someone and understand their reality, realise that how they use their words is not maybe how you would use them. Just as when you talk about something that is close to your heart or when you talk about your own experience; what you are trying to convey are not the words, but the experience; and that words are limiting in how we can convey things. And so when we listen to others, listen for the experience and not for the words.