Nameless Day

 In Poetry

The day that shall remain nameless
In its undefinedness and apparent emptiness
Empty of ok-ness and normal familiarity
I can’t even feel where it starts and where it ends
My heart heavy and fearful in my chest
Like an injured animal left behind by its family
As a matter of fact; as a matter of instinct
Knowing death will come
And it will be a lone death
Devoid of all humanness and unrecognisable
Unprotected and of no value to anyone anymore
Truly alone
My heartbeat feels ineffectual and superfluous to my ears
Why be alive
My constituted and artificial value gone
And I am left with…
My anxious weak heartbeat

I am left with a body and face for no-one to see
For no-one to see and therefor to want
The shame of having ever thought myself of consequence
And the thinking, making and doing myself of consequence
And all the time
There was no floor; no ground to this reality
It has disappeared, run away through my fingers
Fingers and hands that tremble as do the legs
Weak edifice
Gone
Danced away with these words
That jumble and clean
Every nook and cranny
Of pain and unreality
Scraping gently
Pulling and tugging to let go let go
At the fear that fights
The fear that feels that it is…. all that’s left
And it at least it is something
More than the nothing that is left
When fear lets go
Finally
And is no more

What then?

Where am I?
Who am I?
Am I in relation?
And if I am… how and as who and to whom?
Come and find me
I’m in a hurry
impatient
To bridge the gap
To fill the dreadful vacuum
Before I am pulled
Irrevocably, anonymously, powerlessly, obliteratingly
In
And to….

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