In session people often tell me about the lack of feeling connected in their lives. They yearn for relationships and connections with others that feel satisfying and meaningful to them; a space where they can feel heard, understood and where they can be themselves.
From when we are very small we learn to think that to satisfy these needs we need to look to others; our parents, our siblings, our friends, our partners, our children etc. And…. When we are small we do
depend on the people around us to look after us. Our world and well-being is shaped by the people around us with all its joys, imperfections and even downright disasters.
Then when we leave home it is understood that we need learn to look after ourselves; support ourselves financially; put a roof over our head and put bread on the table. We might do that all by ourselves, or we might find a partner to do it with. However, what is less often spoken of is that when we leave childhood behind and enter adulthood, we also start carrying the responsibility of our own emotional well-being.
Often there is not a lot of attention given to our emotional well-being as it is an inner experience that carries some taboo. This aspect of our lives often stays under the surface as something that sometimes hurts or sometimes feels good, without a lot of understanding about why, when and how and even less of a realisation that something can be done about it. It is when we feel that our emotions are out of control and affecting our ability to cope that we might start to look at our emotional well-being.
So this is where I tell you that a lot can be done! In my experience, to achieve a sense of connectedness in life is primarily about connecting to yourself. Finding out about yourself; doing things for yourself that you enjoy; listening to yourself; taking yourself seriously.
It is when we look to have our needs met by others, we put a strain on the relationship by the expectations we put on them to be a certain way for us. What’s more, unless we choose to become more aware, a lot of our needs and expectations from the past will continue to shape our relationships in the now.
Looking after your emotional well-being not only improves your quality of life, it allow you to Live your own Quality; the essence of who you are. You will become a dear friend to yourself; who listens, who understands and who knows you through and through.
Once you are living this integrity of self-connectedness, you will notice people responding to you differently. You are able to accept others as they are, because you are not dependent on them being a certain way for you. They are free to live their quality as well.
Taking responsibility for and feeding your inner life is to honour and live according to your own feelings, experience and insight. Beyond giving you a sense of connectedness; it will bring you home!